This is okay

Hey friends,

I've been putting far fewer words in this space that I have in the past. It would be dishonest to say that the silence hasn't been driven in part by fear. The more success I find, the more I feel like shrinking away, saying less, being smaller. I think, oh my clients REALLY LIKE ME and are super excited to work with me. So I should be quiet and not show them anything that might risk changing their high estimations. I've been really risk-averse to being open about who I am and the kind of work that I want to do. I want people to LIKE me and to HIRE me. All artists run into this; it's not a problem special to me. I still feel like an asshole when I refer to myself as an artist. I'm still struggling to make business changes and to be FULLY honest about what I want to do and who I am.

When you run a business, especially a creative one that leans heavily on social media, you are supposed to distill yourself into a brand. I, Jessica Vogelsang, am supposed to be a brand. I should be able to condense myself into three words. Everything I speak to the world from this platform needs to fit under one of those word categories. The problem with that, is that who I am, who YOU are, can't be distilled in that way. We're all more vast and spacious and creative than the room that's given. I'm not a brand. You're not a brand. No one is a brand. Branding is all facade and smoke. It's not real. But I feel like I need to tell you *something* about who I am and what's real here. The real life version of me tends toward mouthiness, rebellion and strong-will (ask my mom). The real life version of me loves REALLY hard and isn't afraid to tell people about it. She's messy and confused. She's bad with dates and paperwork. She feels like her insides are made out of river-silt and pine. She's not universally likable. Sometimes she frightens the neighbors. I haven't let her out to play much lately. 

I really love music. Below is some I've been smitten with lately. You might not like it. That's got to be okay. You might even be here as a potential client. You might be wondering about my brand. You might decide not to hire me based on whatever micro-truths you're reading in these few paragraphs. That's got to be okay too. I'm okay with okay.